Zombies. I've taken the initiative here at Camp Victory to use the unit's 'Friday Movie' nights to enlighten and educate my fellow arms professionals about the pending dangers of the living dead. Maybe the source will be a mutated plague, radiation, a curse, whatever. I've seen enough of these films to keep Zombie Preparedness and Safety perpetually at the forefront of my thoughts. Remember: Nothing is as delicious as your brains. Zombies want your gray matter the way I want to pour this value bag of candy corn into my mouth. Either way, it's not going to be pretty.
As additional vaccines and scientific research progress, I can clearly see that at some point, Hell will fill up and the dead will walk the earth fiending after your mouthwatering flesh. Then you'll join them. Lame. A few weeks ago I half expected to see frantic and infrequent static/terror filled news reports from the US announcing the rise of the living dead following the release of of a new swine flu vaccine. Maybe it just takes longer.
Because of this, and as someone who now carries an unconcealed weapon at all times, I'm going to have emphatically support that position that: for serious, we're going to need all these firearms. Maaaaybe not assault weapons, but wouldn't you feel safer with a cache of those in your reanimated corpse surrounded farmhouse? What do you mean you don't live in a farmhouse? Look, you're going to want to be in the country when this hits. The cities will just be deathtraps. Close quarters, too many tasty victims, lots of basements. No good. You can better form and defend a commune of the survivors in the rural areas, just saying. But when Betty Sue's daughter gets scratched by one of 'them', you've gotta kill her and burn the corpse, no exceptions. In addition, my limited knowledge of the ban on assault weapons tells me they're now legal. What a relief. I wonder how many AK-47s I can fit in the weapons locker I am currently 'Buy it Now'-ing on eBay. Not enough. What does the law say about flame throwers? At any rate, it appears that shotguns do the best job, which seems strange because it is my understanding that they the shot goes over a wider range. I guess you could use slugs. Perhaps the blast area/force is enough for the zombies, whose flesh is normally decaying at said time. If I can give you any advice, go for the head. In most scenarios they 'die' after you if you crush/destroy the skull. Burn the bodies, get creative on weapon usage (home made incindiaries, napalm you borrowed from your Michigan militia friends, etc), add a little humor in there, and for the love of appetizing brains, don't fall in love with anyone.
I guess what it really comes down to is whether we'll have George Romero zombies, Peter Jackson (yes, of LOTR fame) zombies, or Danny Boyle zombies. I think the answer is pending, as it is quite possible that the British Forces Broadcasting Station (BFBS) has had their staff attacked by zombies, or at least their brains eaten as they choose to show soccer over rugby on the only channel that could possibly show a match or two over here. Get the shotguns.
3 comments:
FYI - That picture became my desktop background for a couple weeks, because I seriously cracked up when I saw it.
Also, read World War Z yet? So awesome. You'd love it.
I think it's worth mentioning, that if you ARE in a city, and you don't have your sidearms on you (what an idiot), you can always in a desperate moment turn them into a twitcher (not to be confused with twitter....). That's why you should practice carrying your keys around pointy-side out, as if you're going to 'unlock' the zombie. You'll buy yourself some time, in any case.
This should only be a LAST RESORT. Such proximity puts you at risk for a bite/contamination, then you and your baby will slowly but surely turn.
Post a Comment